Posts Tagged ‘parenthood’

Ruminations on Parenthood

Posted: February 2, 2011 in Uncategorized

In the three years since my son’s birth, we’ve been pretty lucky as far as stomach viruses go. New Years Day was the first time my child has had a stomach virus. We knew he wasn’t feeling good from the time he got up from his nap and wanted me to give him to his mother. I complied and thank God I did. About two seconds after I handed him over it was like some exorcist shit. He projectile vomited all over my wife. It was in her hair, all over the couch, the floor. It was a miracle he didn’t splatter the windows. Needless to say I have a weak stomach when it comes to vomiting, but I cleaned up my child while my wife took  a shower. I then cleaned the chunks out of the carpet and all other saturated items. I almost lost my lunch, but muscled through it. For some unknown reason, as a parent, you do things that you would have previously found disgusting. You do them because they need done, you do them because you are a dad. I have decided to include a list of things new parents have to look forward to.

1) The Three P’s-piss, puke, & poop. You will at some point be covered by one or more of these. I have gone to work several times with spit up on my back without realizing it. Your child will figure out how to take their diaper off at some point. Then they may try to finger paint with said poop.

2) Sleep-get it when you can. When your childless friends say they are tired you will chuckle to yourself.

3) Money-you will spend more than you can even imagine on diapers and formula. Seriously if I had known what I know now I would’ve invested in huggies and enfamil.

4)You get more shit because “experts” say you need. We seriously took back at least $500 worth of shit we never used. The wipe warmer was used for maybe 3 weeks before we got the shits of it. Babies seriously don’t care if their wipe is warm or room temperature, they just want the shit off of them (at least our kids did).

5) Once they are mobile it is game on. They will get into things you  never thought possibly. They will break stuff and there isn’t a damn thing you can do to stop them.

6) The best part of my day is when I walk through the door and my kids are so excited to see me. It makes everything worthwhile. The money, the messes, the melees (three year olds WOW), are all forgotten in that instant of pure, innocent,unabated  love. I wouldn’t change a thing.